You ruined my heart at a very impressionable stage.  Somewhere I must learn to forgive.  God help me to forgive.

a product of my life

I did not arise in oppression.  I am not a product of times of war, depression, economical distress, and unfair boundaries to our lifestyle.  My time is not one where blacks and whites are not allowed to take a piss in the same toilet.  My time is not one where females are made into housewives with no rights to work or vote.  We don't tuck our children into bed worrying about things like "polio" and "flu".  As a child I did not cry myself to sleep over hunger or terror. Gay?  That word meant one thing and one thing only,  unbiblical and evil.  I am not of a time where only rich people have a car.  I am, instead, a product of my life.  One where we all use the same restroom, where men and women are equal.  The flu doesn't kill our children....guns kill them.  Gay marriage is a controversy of the past.  Hell, even the poor man has a car nowadays.  My point is one that is very clear and prescise yet draws its heart from a passion that will reign above anything passion could reign from and that my friends is a passion drove from a struggle.  The struggle of this generation is video games,  technology, and fast food.  A time where people care more about materials than meaning.  I may be from this lazy horrible time.  But I still have a fight.  A fight that burns within me because I, will fight for what I believe in, till the day I die.

Need a vacation from my thoughts.....

So here I lay them down to sleep.  She looks at the wine glass....the drops of condensation roll down the glass similar to the way the tears roll down her face.  Funny isn't it?  How the symbolism is literally suffocating the air around her.  It didn't used to be this way.  There used to be hopes and dreams of a better life.  She was inspired by the simplest of things, saw the beauty in everything.  Now, she can barely see at all.

Nicolas Ryan O'Connell

The time we had together was short but one of a kind. You were my life, my soulmate, my everything.  I will cherish our time we had for the rest of my life.  You showed me what real love is.  You showed me how to be happy again.  You never tried to change me or told me how to be.  That was the best bit.  you were my Dan and I was your Candy.  Forever and ever. 

It was a Romeo and Juliet story from the start....everyone around me said stay away from him but my heart said I will never leave him.  It was an instant indescribable connection.  But.there was deep pain in his eyes...I recognized it because that same pain was in mine.  We laughed, we loved, we fought, we cried.  We were the best of friends and the best of lovers.  But his heart had also fallen in love with something else.....heroin.  The love we had stayed but then came the hate.  He lied, he stole, he manipulated.  I watched the man of my dreams, my soulmate deteriorate right before my eyes.  As the days came and went my anger towards that drug grew stronger and stronger.  There was always hope though.  Through it all he never stopped loving me.  He wanted help but had nowhere to turn.  And where do addicts end up?  In jail or dead. This horrific disease gave him both.  It tore me up inside to give him tough love and let him sit in jail but I knew it was his only shot at getting better.  Then came miracle, the judge was sending him to rehab.  I couldn't wait for our lives to get better.  To grow old together and raise a family.  I.wanted my Nicolas back and I was about to get him.  He was released from jail 4 days before he was supposed to check in at a recovery center.  The second day he was out was a day I will remember for the rest of my life.  It was the day heroin took my one and only love and ripped him away from me. All that praying, all that begging, all that trying and preaching and meetings meant nothing now.  They found him on the side of the street in my car.  He was in there for over 12 hours dead.  His "friends" disposed of him like a piece of trash.  Not a day goes by that I don't do my best to make a difference in this world and try to educate people of the pain that drug causes to not only the user but the ones that love them.  And I want to sincerely, from the little bit of heart that I have left say thank you for everything you do to help people.

A life I could have had

I could have shut my mouth....I could have been "obedient"....I could have let you tell me what to wear, how to think, when to talk, where to work, n when to come home....I could have pretended I was happily in love....but I didnt and that my friend was the best decision of my life. 
So any girl that's ever let a boy tell you what to do....go find a man that loves you for you.

Wonderwall

Being alone isn't easy but we all hurt in the absence of another.  Maybe It's because as a society we find comfort in focus that doesn't lay on our faults but instead on someone else's.  Quite selfish love is.  But then again....selfishness has a vulnerability in its own way which I find to be a beautiful circle they call life.