So there was a time when I had it all figured out. I knew what love was like. I had seen the world. I experienced so many things but still couldn't find hapiness. Beauty is sometimes a very ugly thing. It feeds ones soul. I had it all figured out including you. Then I lost it all. I question if it was all ever real. I see more of myself in what I thought I saw in you. Small glimpses appear on those rare occassions that you let "us" the internet viewers into your mind. But then again, maybe its all a game. you never can trust the guy that stole your heart.

It is beautiful outside. The sun is shining down and the wind is blowing. I think about where I've been and where I am going. I am content with my life as of now. I think I am actually finding hapiness. I don't know what's going to happen but I am glad its already better than what used to happen.

a guide to recognizing your saints

I'm broken inside. The pain will not dissapear. The past overshadows the present. You got what you could have ever hoped for. I am damaged and torn. Unfixable. Every night I cry. I can't let go. I don't miss you. But I miss the sincerity I had. How genuine and free spirited I was. Now I am bitter and angry. I am guarded by thick walls I have put up. Made sure to not let the world see in. Detached from emotion. This must be how you felt those two years. I understand now why you walked out so easily, why you hurt me and didn't care. Your heart wasn't present even though you wanted it to be. The person I am with deserves much better. He deserves all of me....the real me. I'm just so scared. I have watched all good things in my life come and go. And watched the bad stick around. I feel so alone. I thought being cautious with love would protect my emotions but it hurts all the same. Goodnight world.

spinning

My world is spinning. The real world is fading. I am far from emotionally present. I haven't been myself. I want so badly to find happiness. I felt pretty close but I see it slipping away. I'm scared to death. I just need direction. I need to know I am going to be okay.

life is changed

Wow! So much drama 'round these days. All the drinking and drugs will do that to people. They need something. They thrive off it. Feed off it. It makes me sad to see people loose all sense of reality and gain an entire ego of fake pride. Its a fasad. The world is meant for much greater things than this. I hope one day you guys move past this lifestyle and find something better to occupy your time.