blogspot.almostforgot.com

so it has been almost a year since i started my blog. i dont post on here much anymore. i have a busy life. not sure if anyone even reads this shit anymore. its funny how long its been since my fingers have even touched a keyboard. weird how it all just comes back to me and they flow as if i am not even in control. control is something i dont posses that often these days. this time last year i was brought to my rock bottom...i lost everything and almost lost my life. all hope was forgotten i watched it fade as my body broke down and medicine pumped through my veins. i slowly began to pick up the broken pieces and start a journey towards living life again. my footsteps were placed across the snow covered grass...as it melted when spring came my way back home melted with it. the seasons changed and the year grew longer and longer. now here i am. it is winter again and i find myself just as in touch as i was when everything left. the crisp air is a reminder of the things i used to live. that winter was the coldest winter i think i had ever witnessed, i think i have my emotions to thank for that. you see, they say it is only when we have lost everything that we are free to do anything. so with the new season i once again take a step outside into the cold thrusting air and breathe. for it is my heart that brought me to where i am now. i open it freely and pray that the one i love will take it whole and hand it back to me one day. ive seen a lot of things this past year. i have lived a lot of things this year. i have hurt a lot of things this year. i forgot a lot of things this year. but the love that has found me is the one thing i have gained this year. i gladly walk this journey into the crisp dark winter and hope to come out on the other side having defeated the one thing that stands in the way of my heart...

well....its been a while.

I don't like blogging on here unless I am in a place in my life where I feel as if I need to use it. Things have been pretty "norm" lately. A long time ago someone left my life and left me feeling empty. I got over it but still never really felt like myself again. I realize now that I have a good person around that it wasn't that I wasn't myself after that person but that I am back to my old self. I just forgot what it feels like to be appreciated and allowed to be who I am. Someone actually likes my personality. I didn't ever think I would find someone good. Funny isn't it?

this isn't about love.

It's not about who was wrong or right. It's not about where we came from or even where we will end up. When it all breaks down. Who inspires you to be your best?

in the end

Wow! I haven't wrote on here in forever. So I am at a dilema. All my life I thought love is what I wanted. I had relationships where I tried way to hard to make it something emotional and serious. I'm so over all that. I've been with a guy where all we did was think about love and I don't need that now. I need fun. Excitement. Entertainment. I just want to relax and not know what each day is gonna bring. Laying in bed and watching movies isn't much my style these days. Its time to go out and act stupid and forget what we did. Its time to let go of all the worries and just forget my responsibilites. I should have taken that kind of relationship when I had the chance.

he cries at night when no one is around

He is hurt. He is damaged. I never did buy into all the hype. He pretends as if this is what he actually wanted out of life. I know the truth. He acts as if this is the only way to live....defensive and judgemental. He hides behind a brick wall. But see, I know who he really is. He has a heart its just a little confused.

last night

I had a dream. Someone from my past was in it. They will stay in the past. Forever.

the people you hate the most always end up being right

I was told once to guard my heart. To not let anyone in. Be a bitch he said. Play games and fuck with people's heads. I should have listened because here I sit alone and afraid. There was a time that I thought I would never be happy again. I thought my world had collapsed and I would never really love again. Food tasted horrible, music sounded dull, and colors were only in black and white. I finally got past that and found a great life. I had an amazing time....friends, parties, and a promising relationship. I lost it all in the same moment. Now I don't have shit but a broken heart. So thanks, asshole, if only I would have taken your advice.